What is confidence? It is defined as “a feeling of self assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities and qualities.” It shouldn’t be confused with being egotistical or arrogant; confidence is healthy and needed to find true happiness and success. Confidence is quiet; arrogance is loud.

Confident people have integrity; they do what is right even if others will criticize. Those that lack confidence base their behavior and decisions on what other people think. Confidence means being able to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve better things; not having confidence keeps people in comfort zones and afraid of failure. The confident admit their mistakes and learn from them; the unassured work hard to cover up their mistakes and try to fix things before someone notices. Confidence means accepting compliments graciously, such as, “Thank you, I really worked hard on this project and I’m grateful you recognized my efforts.” Having a lack of confidence leads to deflecting compliments, such as, “That project was nothing really, anyone could have done it.”

There are many ways to identify issues, work through lack of confidence and build your purpose, and this morning I heard of a study done that really inspired me to change my message to you today. Pastor, author and sociologist Tony Campolo did a study of 50 people, ages 95 and above. He simply asked them, “If you had to do it all over again, what would you do differently?” The most powerful and pervasive answers were they would have reflected more and risked more.

The truth is that self reflection and taking risks are the biggest underlying factors of self confidence; and this is what I want to help you with right now!

Let’s talk about self reflection first, and see where confidence is really coming from. Too often we look to others to find confidence, but it’s time to find that strength inside of ourselves.

People believe us when we speak with conviction, passion, emotion and purpose; people believe us when we stand tall, make eye contact, and appear at the top of our game. So, what makes YOU do this? What are you an expert at? What are you speaking about when you exude confidence? How is your posture? Eye contact? Tone of voice? That energy and excitement is a wonderful thing, and that feeling is a reflection of purpose!

So, let’s reflect. How can you tap into your personal confidence? How can you understand your passions better?

1. KNOW YOUR VALUES AND LIVE THEM. We all have different values that fall directly in line with our purpose. Honesty. Love. Respect. Equality. Strength. What resonates with you? What are you passionate about? How do you share it with the world? Identify these values, trust the journey and live them out loud! If you have a pulse, you have a purpose, and your purpose is rooted in your values.

2. ADOPT THE “WHY NOT ME?” MINDSET. Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson made this phrase relevant to us as his success flourished, and it is a wonderful lesson in accepting what you desire and understanding how to turn passion into success. Russell was a 2 sport athlete in high school, and had a million dollar contract on the table from the Baltimore Orioles to play baseball. He hesitated, because he really wanted to be a quarterback in the NFL; but he was small. Very few successful quarterbacks were shorter than 6 feet, and Russell is 5’11”. Growing up, his father always asked him, “Why not you?” He took that to heart through his decision and we all know the result; he is a Super Bowl champion. Why can’t you have the ultimate success? Why can’t you accomplish your dreams? When you ask, “Why not me?”, you are opening yourself up to possibility; and when your actions are rooted in your values, confidence flows!

3. ASK FOR HELP. Being confident doesn’t mean you have to do it by yourself. In fact asking for help builds your confidence because it increases your support system. If you have a tough decision to make, is it easier to go about it on your own, or talk it through with others that you respect and love? Confidence is knowing you need help to develop yourself and further your dreams, and having a support system and accountability is a huge part of it. Don’t let ego and pride get in the way of asking for help; everyone needs someone.

So, what about risking more? How does risking more lead to confidence? Why does living in a comfort zone keep you from living out loud? What causes more emotion in you- the excitement of success in something new, or the fear of failure?

Lack of confidence leads to inaction. There is no risk taking when there is no confidence because we are terrified of failure. That is why we get stuck in dead end jobs, stay in unhealthy relationships, and stop listening to our hearts. We exist instead of living.

Is a fear of failure keeping you from your personal greatness? If the answer is YES, (I’m pretty sure we can all say YES to this), then how can you use that energy to your advantage? How can you build confidence by taking risks?

1. ALLOW YOURSELF TO FAIL- because you will. And it’s okay to fail! In doing so, you get stronger, and that strength carries you to the next level of your life. Einstein said, “Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” Failure means effort, effort means growth, growth means confidence.

2. START WITH SMALL SUCCESSES. I challenge you to keep track of every small success you achieve. Write them down; celebrate them. We are so focused on the negative in our world that we don’t take the time to notice all the greatness we are doing. Taking the time to write down your goals, not buying that candy bar, not hitting the snooze button, getting up early to get in that workout/prayer/mediation/walk/meal prep, making that phone call, sending that email. Whatever it is, celebrate it! Confidence is build on hundreds of small successes all sewn together.

3. PLAN YOUR SUCCESS AND YOUR FUTURE. When you go on vacation, do you just “wing it”? Would you show up at the airport without tickets and an itinerary? Would you walk onto a cruise ship without tickets? Would you travel in a foreign country without reservations or maps? Of course not! So, why do we live our lives like that? Your dreams and purpose need planning, and you deserve the joy that comes from achieving them. Prepare for it by writing down your goals and values; this is your roadmap. Take massive action and keep your heart and mind focused on your values; stepping into your future is as easy as stepping onto that plane if you have a plan. Embrace the journey, trust the process and build your confidence through it all!

We talked about some big things, and there are also some little things that we can all do to everyday to boost our confidence. Be mindful of your posture; stand tall! Shoulders back, chin up, make eye contact. Adjust the rear view mirror so you have to sit taller as your driving to work, or a date, or anywhere. Be mindful of your appearance and how you dress; if you look good you feel good! Us Wheeler men take our cologne seriously, and even before I wrote this I washed my face off and sprayed on some of my favorite cologne because it causes me to feel confident. Taking care of our bodies with proper nutrition, movement and rest are essential in building confidence; a healthy body leads to healthy emotions and healthy emotions breeds confidence.

And always remember the power of I AM. How are you defining yourself? What are you telling yourself that you are? When I am sitting quietly before a taekwondo class, I’m telling myself, “I am a taekwondo athlete”. When I am meeting with a client, I tell myself, “I am full of love and am blessed to help others.” “I am whole.” “I am full of joy.” “I am blessed beyond measure.” I AM…..

One final I am; I am grateful! I am grateful for all of you being in my life, and thankful for the opportunity to share my heart and love with you.

#loveMORE #beMORE #doMORE