What do you struggle with?

Think through all aspects of your life; physical, mental, emotional, spiritual- what are you having a hard time with? We all have struggles, we all face tough times. How we handle these struggles is what directs our life; if we accept them and don’t work through them, they creep into our actions and begin to change how we define ourselves.

So what defines you? What does your energy get focused on, and where do you find your identity? Are you taking charge of your future and learning from these struggles, or are you accepting them, living in victimhood and blaming everything and everyone else? Are you taking responsibility for yourself, or giving the responsibility of your happiness to someone else?

It is really easy to relinquish control to others, and blame what’s happening around us for what’s happening within us. Becoming what we struggle with has become a societal norm, and it is preventing people from achieving happiness, overcoming addictions and illness, having meaningful relationships and building a positive future.

So what is your identity rooted in?

There are 2 major categories I see struggles becoming our identity, so let’s break them down one at a time.

1.Our identity in illness. Whether you have the sniffles and like to get attention, or cancer is trying to beat you down, you have a choice on how you will react when you are sick. We can all think of a person or two that loves the attention they get when they aren’t feeling well, and that illness eventually becomes their identity. The emotional attachment to the illness identity is found in attention, so when we are sick or hurt, get diagnosed with something scary and have something to fight through it’s comforting to get the phone calls, texts, hugs, cards, etc.. And the emptiness we feel when all of that attention goes away, whether the illness is still there or not, is tough to face. When it’s quiet and we are alone, that’s when the negativity, the “dis-ease” creeps in, and we have a choice to make. We can succumb to the dark feelings of sickness and illness, or claim victory and healing. We can dwell on the present “dis-ease”, or we can focus on the happy and healthy future.

2.Our identity in circumstances. We all can agree that what happens to us helps shape who we become, right? It’s certainly true; our circumstances can build us up and tear us down. Bad experiences are wonderful opportunities to learn and grow, but if we don’t pay attention to the lessons they bring we begin to relinquish control the negative feelings. “I really messed up in my last relationship” starts to become “I am so bad at relationships.” “I was cheated on” becomes “I can’t trust any women.” When we start to identify with these feelings we start wearing our pain as a badge of honor. “I am a really loving man that has a big heart, even though I’ve been hurt by so many people.” That struggle begins to change our mindset and changes our attitude to toward the future. “My family has always been poor, it’s just who we are.” To accept that your future is dictated by the past of your family, or a break up, a job loss, a lost friendship, etc. is allowing the circumstances you are currently in to become your identity, and you settle. And once you begin to settle, you will find everything you possibly can to validate those feelings of insignificance which will keep you bound to that struggle. Victimhood is a devastating place to reside in, because you look to others to bring you the happiness you want, while at the same time are looking for every reason to push them away.

There is a time for mourning, sadness, bereavement, and even sometimes anger; these are normal human emotions. What you do about them after the experience is your choice- will you become a victim or a victor? I challenge you RIGHT NOW to meet and control your struggles in life, and allow them to fuel the fire of your passions and future!

How do we change our mindset, and not allow our struggles to become our identity? Here are three of my favorite tips.

1.Attitude precedes perception. Whatever you are feeling, that is what you are seeing and attracting. If you are coming from a negative space and change your attitude, you can literally start changing your life in a matter of minutes! Have you ever noticed when you’re in a bad mood, everything seems to upset you? I have a client who realized the other day that often when she thinks everyone around her is upset and yelling at her, she is actually the one upset and yelling at others. When you’re running late for work, you always seem to hit every traffic light and get stuck behind a garbage truck. When you’re feeling slighted at work you always notice your co workers getting positive energy from the boss. I challenge you right now to start attacking your life with enthusiasm and love! Give out everything that you want to receive and do it without an expectation of reciprocation. Believe with all of your heart that you are happy and healthy, and that your future is bright! Let me tell you about my friend, Michelle. She was diagnosed with cancer a few months back, and is in the midst of chemotherapy and treatment. If you look at her Facebook page, under her picture it says, “I am a cancer survivor.” She is hitting the cancer harder then she is being hit, and doesn’t want people to be sorry for her. She says, “God chose me because I am strong enough to endure all that comes with this. Once I’m in remission, I’ll be able to prove to everyone that with faith in Him, He and I together moved this mountain.” She will never be a victim, and her attitude is drastically increasing her joy and preparing her for a phenomenal future!

2.Pay attention to what you are consuming. When we are experiencing negative emotions and going through struggles, it’s easy to find comfort in music, movies, books and others that can relate to what we are going through. The problem with that is we allow those connections and what we are consuming to continue to validate our negative feelings. I remember being a part of a divorce support group when I went through mine; it helped me tremendously up front because I found others that I could relate to. I found acceptance and validity for my feelings because the other members had gone through similar things. But as I healed, I had to distance myself because I began my forward thinking and I was ready for the next step. No longer did I want to dwell on and relive that past- it no longer served me. And please be careful with the music you listen to- lyrics can quietly keep feelings of insignificance and low self worth on the tip of your tongue. Sam Smith starts one of his big hits with, “You must think that I’m stupid…” How many times have we sang along to “Young, Dumb and broke” by Khalid? There is a new song that consistently is teaching us to find our own self worth in someone else…. “I like me better when I’m with you…” It’s a catchy song from Lauv, but it takes away from our own self worth when we say things like “I’m good as long as you’re here with me.” The old phrase, “Garbage in, garbage out” is the absolute truth, so I challenge you to fill your heart with positive music, reading and media. The more you fill your world with love and positivity, the more you will have to give out!

3.Find your identity in your purpose. What happens to us should not be what defines us; what we are meant to give to the world is. Do you know what your purpose is? Yes? Awesome! What are you doing to share it with the world? What are you learning about it so you can do it even better? How will you make a difference in your world because of it? Not sure of what your purpose is yet? What an awesome feeling to be a blank canvas full of potential! What are you passionate about? What makes you feel amazing? What would you do for others without expecting anything in return? What makes your spirit soar and gets you so excited you can’t stop talking about it? You will always find your purpose in your passions; what you are passionate about and talented with is God’s gift to you that is to be shared with your world! You have everything you need, right now, to walk in purpose and build your future with it! What a wonderful opportunity!

I know it’s really easy to get caught up in the struggles of our lives and the difficult times- just remember- those negative experiences are never who you are, they are just what happened to you. You have a choice to say, “This is not how my story is going to end!” And maybe you have been praying for a while, asking God to take away the hurt, the pain, and the burdens. Make sure you are leaving those burdens with Him; stop picking them up over and over; He can’t take them away if you aren’t willing to let them go. And if you are waiting for an sincere answer to prayer, know that if you haven’t gotten an answer yet, He is planning a much bigger reward for you then you could ever imagine!

You deserve happiness, you were made to thrive! You are made to live in love, to give and receive blessings and bliss. It is time to claim your joy; no longer do these struggles have a hold on your heart and life. You deserve to #beMORE and #doMORE!