Men, it’s time to do better.

I’ve heard of way too many instances lately of men getting lost in their own egos, blinded by false pride and doing significant and permanent damage to their families and marriages.

It breaks my heart, and it adds to my sincere desire to help men heal, grow and understand how to live their best lives, while honoring God, their wives and families.

So, please allow me to be a bit up front, and I may push some buttons. I pray that it stirs you enough to take some action into being the man God has called all of us to be, and to step out of your habits and routines to invest in your families.

One of the biggest frustrations for me has been that I’ve heard many of these men taking scripture out of context to prove their point. Using scripture to justify being abusive and controlling is straight up blasphemous, and using your misinterpretation of God’s Word for your own selfish motives is cowardous.

You can probably guess what scripture I’m talking about if you know the Bible. Ephesians 5:22-24 says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”

Men with ego and control issues read that passage and they only see “wives should submit to their husbands in everything.” These men take this way out of context, assuming that their wife should do as they say, because they said so- end of story. This mindset is the root of many abusive, neglectful and painful marriages within the world and the church today; and men- we are to blame.

Why? Because we stopped reading the passage and didn’t get to the most important part.

Verses 25-28: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”

Oh, hold up… wait a minute. Did Jesus belittle the church if they didn’t meet His expectation? Did Jesus manipulate the church for his own selfish gain? Would Jesus turn His back on the church if things didn’t go as He expected? Would Jesus run to porn instead of dealing with his insecurities and intimacy issues? Would Jesus lash out in anger when faced with tough decisions when forced to look at His own behavior?

Of course not!

In fact, we as the church have done all of the above to Jesus; we allow our humanness, sins and habits get in the way of our relationship with Him, yet He still loves us the same. No matter what, He is there for us and His love is never ending and all consuming. He sacrificed everything for us, He has sanctified and purified us. He loves us ON purpose, and WITH a purpose; His love is unconditional and He patiently waits to pour it over us.

So allow me to break this down a bit for you, men. How can we love our wives like Jesus loves His church?

Christ sacrificed His life for us; He laid down His crown in heaven to come to earth, so that He could take all of our sins to the grave with Him. He sacrificed it all for US to do something we never could have done on our own. So husbands, you must sacrifice for your wives. I think it’s safe to say that if faced with death, we as husbands would insist on dying to save our wife’s life- that’s a no brainer. “Take me; let her live!”, you’d emphatically yell at the bad guys. Look at you being a hero!

Alright hero- if you are prepared to die for her, can you please start LIVING for her? Day to day sacrifices, small concessions of your own interests and time to invest in hers? Are you willing to live more for her good then your own? Will you put aside your selfish motives and self seeking pleasures to lift her up in love? Will you let go of your anger and frustrations so that you can be kind and gentle with her?

Sacrifice for her, like Christ sacrificed for us.

Christ has sanctified His church; He has set us apart and declared us holy, for the glorification of God. Men, your wives are set apart for God first, and it’s your job to help her get closer to His will and purpose. Yes, she has made a vow to you, but her existence isn’t just to make your life easier and fulfill your needs. First and foremost, she exists for God and to bring Him glory. And just as Christ has given us all gifts to use to enhance and build the Kingdom, it is your job to help your wife discover and use her gifts. It is your job to help her find out how she can best serve others, which in turn gives glory to God. It is your job to love her with a love that sets her apart, so that she can be who God has called her to be.

Love her with a sanctifying love.

“Be holy, because I am holy,” says our Lord. Holiness is not just about moral purity, rules and laws; it’s more about the purity of the union with God in Christ, and sharing in Christ’s holiness. As we share in Christ’s holiness, it leads to a life full grateful service to God and others. Jesus shares His holiness with His church through the Holy Spirit, and it sets us apart from the world. It purifies us! Men, love your wives with a purifying love that is rooted in a pursuit of holiness. We need to be helping her grow in holiness, helping her grow spiritually and helping her get closer to the purity that holiness brings.

And the most important part of this is that you are doing it with her; how can you expect her to pursue holiness and grow spiritually if you are sitting on the sidelines? She won’t go to a place you refuse to go. You need to grow in holiness first; lead the way through your prayer, your worship, your repentance and your submission to the King.

Love her within the pursuit of holiness.

And remember, before we are “biblical wives” and “biblical husbands”, we are first children of God. If we aren’t doing our part to better our relationship with Jesus, heal from our brokenness and pursue His will, we cannot hide behind our jaded definitions of biblical truth. If we aren’t dying to self everyday and submitting to God’s perfect plan in our lives, we cannot expect anyone to submit to our expectations.

Since only God the Father knows when we are going to be called home, there is a part of me that believes that Jesus is just itching to come back for His church, His precious bride. “Is today the day, Abba? Can I go get her now?” He wants to be reunited with us in such a powerful way; He wants His “radiant church, without stain or wrinkle, or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.” He loves us in a way that we can’t comprehend, and His love is more intense then we can imagine.

Men, we are to love our wives as Christ loves His church. With a sacrificing love; with a sanctifying love that pursues holiness in every way. Just as Jesus cannot wait to present His bride without blemish in Heaven for all eternity, we need to be presenting our wives to Jesus and the world the same exact way. We are commissioned to lead our wives and our families to grow in righteousness, and to love with an intensity that no one else can comprehend.

Men, it’s time to do better.

#restoringhuMANity