It is pretty safe to say that God didn’t WANT me to fall, rip some tendons in my shoulder, have major surgery and sit around for 6 weeks, right?

So here we are, with the frequently asked question… Why does God allow us to go through bad situations? Why do bad things happen to good people?

And although we all may ask these questions at one point or another, we also are all fairly certain of the answer- He needs us to learn, grow and depend on Him, especially when we don’t have the strength or stamina to do it on our own. The lessons that come with the difficult times prepare us for what He has in store.

The injury to my shoulder wasn’t about black ice in the winter time, and my time off of work and away from my “normal” life wasn’t about recovering from surgery.

It was about a deep healing that I had no clue I desperately needed.

After my divorce, as expected, I went through an incredibly difficult time- I often say I was living in the basement, figuratively and literally. Although that was one of the hardest and darkest experiences I’ll ever have to go through, the healing and growth that came from it was mind blowing!

And even though I wasn’t walking with the LORD at all during that time, He still guided me every step of the way, so that I could be where I am today.

When I devoted my life to His call on my life, and to ministry, for the first time in my adulthood- I truly gave everything to Him. “Jesus- I’ve been trying all these years to get it right, and I have failed more times then I can count. If You have this plan for my life, You are in control- because I can’t do it by myself. My life is Yours- I am simply a vessel for Your work and will.”

I said that prayer everyday. Wrote it in my journal. Said it in between tears when I was trying to pay my bills. Prayed it when I had no what I should do, where I should go, who I should talk to.

“God, they are my feet, but they must be Your steps. It’s my mouth; but they must be Your words.”

And of course, everything began to fall into place! He led me to an incredible career, filled my life with amazing people, elevated my music experiences and abilities to a whole new level. I was teaching with confidence, doors opening everywhere- I even got to pastor with my father! So many blessings, all of which I am so very grateful.

If you know me personally, you know that I have an insatiable work ethic, rarely get tripped up on negative experiences and will power through difficult times as quickly as I can. (“Put your head down and run through the middle, Wheeler” is a classic phrase I tell myself all the time.)

As I was experiencing all of these blessings and great things happening over the last 3 years, I attempted to shake off and ignore quite a bit of emotional, physical and spiritual baggage I was carrying.

The physical issues were the hardest to ignore, but as usual I attempted to push right through it all. Torn hamstring, influenza A and B, exhaustion from 100 hour work weeks, COVID, neck and back issues amplified by a 75 pound weight gain.

I’d tell myself, “Keep going. You’re strong. You’ve always been strong. You can get through this.”

It all kept piling up, and wearing me down. I didn’t even notice how bad most of it was since I just tried to keep moving. I never regained my sense of smell after COVID, until my brakes caught on fire on my truck. That fire did some damage to my nasal canal, and that’s basically all I could smell since.

Attempting to regain some of my health and get moving again, I started morning walks. Rain or shine, sleet, ice or snow, I bundled up every morning and walked. It felt great to be getting in some movement and starting to take control of my health again! Then, of course, I stepped on the black ice that caused my to fall on my shoulder… and here we are.

For the first time in my entire adulthood, I wasn’t strong. I felt so weak.

The physical exhaustion led me to think about the emotional and mental exhaustion as well. The last 2 years have been so hard, but I had to “keep going”, and I kept trying to- but I simply couldn’t anymore.

Especially over the last 8 months, depression enveloped me more then I ever imagined it could. My family and I were hurt deeply by people that we should have been able to trust the most. I had friendships vanish and disappear for no reason, other then I wasn’t able to fulfill their needs and expections. I had to move away from people that only wanted to be near me because of what they could achieve through me. There was even a time where I honestly was scared for my family’s safety, and didn’t want them out of my sight. Not knowing who I could trust or reach out to, for the first time in my extremely extroverted life, my circle became extremely small.

I’ve always been taught that the spiritual warfare and pushback for anyone living the life the LORD created them for can be ferocious and daunting at times. Well, let me tell you- it’s the truth! Some of the physical issues; and many of the emotional issues I’ve faced can be attributed to spiritual warfare.

Satan HATES when he loses his grip on someone’s life, especially when they are answering the call of YHWH.

It is so important to know who we are in Christ, and what we can accomplish in the spiritual realm through Him. And I worked so hard to “stand firm”, and suit up in the full armor of God as Ephesians 6 tells us- but, man, I was tired. I was weak and depressed, and Satan worked tirelessly to try and beat me down.

For a tangible example of the unrealistic difficulties and oppression- there are 4 different times in the past year that I easily could have died while driving my truck (that is now in the junk yard!). My steering broke while driving 55 mph on the Skyway, my brake calipers collapsed while driving down Maple Rd at 45 mph, my brakes caught on fire 2 miles from home at 11pm at night, and the driver’s side front end assembly literally crumbled while driving 55 in morning rush hour traffic. The last incident was so damaging that the tire and suspension literally fell off the vehicle as it was being put on the tow truck!

Were these incidents rooted in spiritual warfare? Maybe- I won’t know until I get Heaven and have a chat with King Jesus. What I DO know is that there is no earthly reasoning that through these 4 incidents without a scratch, and without harming anyone else. The LORD intervened every single time to keep me alive and those around me safe.

His protection is real!

I had to be a bit vulnerable and tell you all of these things because I need you to understand how Satan sneaks his oppression and angst into our lives. He won’t come to you with bells and whistles on, parading around his deception and devestation. Instead, he will sneak in and wear you down; do his very best to infiltrate every area of your life so that you don’t remember who you are as a child of the Most High.

And even though the LORD has given me so many opportunities and placed me where I am today, I wasn’t ready to live up to the call that He has placed on my life. I needed to experience the hurt, the heartaches, the depression and the loneliness of the last 3 years so that I could thicken my skin. So that I can better relate to the people that He needs me to witness to. So that I can lead with understanding and empathy, teach with wisdom and pray with conviction.

And after all of these experiences, I desperately needed to heal.

He allowed me to hurt my shoulder because the recovery time presented the opportunity to truly heal. Not just my shoulder healing, but my heart, my mind, my body and my spirit.

I had to sit and rest; I couldn’t outwork my pain any longer. I couldn’t distract myself with staying busy and “push through”.

I couldn’t be strong. I could not be the man He is calling me to be while carrying all that baggage.

I had to heal.

And praise God, healing I did! Sure, my shoulder is feeling so much better, but more importantly, my mind, body and soul are feeling better. The rest and recovery has brought me closer to the LORD, and back to feeling like “me” again. My depression is gone. My bitterness and unforgiveness have been lifted, and I’ve traded my struggle and sorrow for His joy and perfect peace. My sense of smell has completely returned, and I have the same energy and volition in my spirit that I did when I began my weight loss journey 12 years ago.

I could NOT do what the Lord has created me to do without going through the last 3 years. He has cultivated and pruned me as I’ve learned to look at life and ministry through Heaven’s perspective instead of my own.

As I head back to my work and ministries tomorrow to begin this new season, I am humbled and expectant of a mighty move of our King. I am so grateful for His patience and mercy, and am thrilled to see what He has planned as His will unfolds.

“Jesus- I’ve been trying all these years to get it right, and I have failed more times then I can count. If You have this plan for my life, You are in control- because I can’t do it by myself. My life is Yours- I am simply a vessel for Your work and will.

“God, they are my feet, but they must be Your steps. It’s my mouth; but they must be Your words.”

Thank you, my Savior, for this broken road I’ve traveled that has brought me to this powerful healing!

Amen.

#beMORE #doMORE #inHIM